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The INTJ Female: 8 Basic Insights to Learn The Good, The Bad, and The Unhealthy

An INTJ Female’s Perspective on Jungian Theory

 

The INTJ female

If you are familiar with Jungian theory, then the term INTJ will be familiar to you. The INTJ is one of the sixteen archetypes, according to Carl Jung who is the father of analytical psychology.

The INTJ female is a rare beast. Surprisingly, INTJ’s make up only 2-4% of the population, and only 1-3% of all females are INTJ[1]. 

INTJ’s navigate the world using their Introverted Intuition (Ni) supported by their Extroverted Thinking (Te). Their tertiary/third function is Introverted Feeling (Fi) and their inferior/fourth function is Extraverted Sensing (Se). 

These cognitive functions make the INTJ female insightful, rational, value-driven, and future-oriented. 

Women who identify with this introverted personality type can often be misunderstood because of their insightful or blunt observations. They will have pet peeves that others won’t sympathise with as often as they’d like. 

intj_female_blindspotAnd let’s not forget our trickster blindspot which hides from even the most-developed INTJ woman. Decades can go by before we even realise we have a blindspot…and it’ll show eventually in a way we won’t like. 

Do you know your blindspot? I’ll cover it for you in this article.

 

Here are 8 insights of one of the rarest types on earth. 

 

As an INTJ woman, I have a unique opportunity to speak about lesser known INTJ womans’ thoughts. If you are an INTJ female, you will probably relate. If you are not an INTJ female, enjoy the class and handle it with care!

 

INTJ Female Insight 1: You fall in love with people who can make you feel comfortable enough to enjoy the moment.

 

Being Ni-dominant women means it’s hard for us to get into the flow of the moment. It can be a challenge to stop and enjoy something unplanned, without a purpose, and for the sake of pleasure. 

Extraverted Sensing is our weakest function. This means we can be pretty insecure about what we are giving you right now. 

Are we providing you a good experience? Are we performing properly? 

Without our plans and insight at these times, we would rather reject the chance for some spontaneous experience than wing it. 

But! – and this is a big but – if somone makes us feel safe and comfortable enough, we love to engage our extraverted senses. 

Do you surprise yourself by wanting to dress up occasionally and go on an adventure? Maybe dancing, or a fine dining experience worth it’s gold? This is your ESFP Subconscious peeking out. 

Do you like it when your partner helps you relax and enjoy the moment where you feel no  performance pressure? 

You will fall in love with someone if they let you be comfortable, and in that comfort you can stop being afraid of giving a bad experience and enjoy the moment. And it’s wonderful.

Did you know? The ESFP is the INTJ’s Subconscious personality. Reverse all the INTJ functions and you have the subconscious ESFP functions – Extraverted Sensing, Introverted Feeling, Extroverted Thinking and the weakest is Introverted Intuition. 

The ESFP Subconscious is where your fears exist, so tread carefully! When you are able to let go of your fears and insecurities of Extraverted Sensing, you will be able to enjoy moments of your ESFP Subconscious in a way you never imagined. (Yes, this includes the bedroom.)

 

INTJ Female Insight 2: You might question whether you really are an INTJ….and this is completely normal.

 

Let’s face it. Because we are so rare, it is more likely we are NOT an INTJ female, right? 

If you are like me at all, maybe you often challenge yourself about the validity of your cognitive functions stack conclusion. 

Or perhaps you took a test.

Personality tests often give unsatisfactory results based on false dichotomies. For example, introversion versus extroversion. Just because you like alone time does not make you an introvert. Introverted mean inward-leaning, and extroverted means outward-leaning. 

However you discovered your INTJ ego, you probably realise YOU may be answering incorrectly (inauthentically) or perhaps with a blindspot, giving you a false conclusion. 

Here are 2 things to consider when verifying your type: 

 

  • Cognitive functions over MBTI letters

 

To verify your personality, my simplest guide would be to learn more about the cognitive functions. 

Some personality tests, like the popular free 16personality test, ignore cognitive functions. It asks questions with only one dichotomy being assessed, such as introversion vs extraversion. Some tests do take the Jungian theory of cognitive functions into account while asking questions, but not many. They also disregard other tenants of Jungian theory, such as multiple sides of the mind.

When approaching cognitive functions, keep an open mind. Even suppose you are mistyped. 

Look closely at the functions of the types and base your conclusions on functions rather than the type itself. 

For instance, when I do this myself, I may look at INFP (Fi Ne Si Te) as a possibility, however with my knowledge so far I can tell that my behaviour does not align with someone who has Ne as a tertiary function. I can remove the possibility of having a particular cognitive function faster than removing the possibility of being a type

Back to Ne – I can quickly see that I do not have Ne as a dominant function, and that I probably lack it totally (that is, in my conscious mind).

For now I would recommend you do your own research on cognitive functions, online and with books. Some books to help settle the confusion – Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious and Two Essays in Analytical Psychology by Jung himself. 

If that fails to satisfy you, pay $200 for a session with C.S Joseph (no, I don’t earn a commission at all from this).

 

  • Unhealthy Grips and Loops

 

Secondly, keep in  mind that if you are in a grip or loop that you may be behaving in a personality other than your ego (Subconscious, Unconscious or Superego). This will make it a little more difficult to pinpoint your personality using the MBTI letters. 

It’s an important note to make here that all personalities have 4 sides of the mind which we use in all sorts of ways, the weakest side of the mind occasionally being triggered by stress or trauma. 

This is why maturity and stress levels of any person really matter. These kinds of loops and grips are experienced by all types and the dynamics involve different cognitive functions which result in many different manifestations and symptoms.

 

INTJ Female Insight 3: You know that it’s taken years for you to learn the social skills that other personalities often take for granted. 

 

You’re nodding, because you know it’s true. Blame your blindspot. 

Socialising is a thorn in our heels. It’s a yearly endeavour for us to be less jarring in our social interactions. Deep down we want to master this aspect of our lives. We know we are bad at it, but often, we don’t acknowledge just how bad we are at it. Why?

Because we don’t have Fe in our Ego or Subconscious. Extraverted Feeling is what makes people so good at knowing how to engage with others, knowing how they feel, and what works for them. 

Our Fe is nestled as a tertiary function in our Unconscious mind. It’s called the Trickster, or our Blindspot. In simple words, it is the most powerful way to keep an INTJ female humble.

Often a person’s blindspot can only be seen through an external source, like data or feedback from a friend. You might be disagreeing with me here, but hear me out. 

intj_female

You know you are a little awkward, right? But you honestly won’t know HOW awkward you are if you never pick up on the tells without Fe. You won’t realise the faux pas you commit – and likely, if another person has Fe, they’ll be less likely to tell you because they don’t want to make you uncomfortable (ironic, right?). 

Yes, you watch and learn, but a friendly caution: sometimes it isn’t enough. Our Ni navigating the social realm is an untethered mystery to others, and coupled with the inability to know how others feel (Fe), we are at the mercy of someone telling us. 

Our social awkwardness can sometimes be cute and endearing, but as INTJ females, sometimes it can come off as out-of-touch and uncaring. So if you are an INTJ female, I encourage you to listen to any feedback your friends may give you about particular behaviours and if that is not available, simply acknowledge you are out of your depth and can always improve.

 

INTJ Female Insight 4: You hate thinking about the past.

 

You may have had (or currently have) constant conflict with yourself and your environment. You may have trouble finding peace between the two. And yet, it’s what you strive for. Your internal world interprets the external world, and your internal references must be up to date. 

You do this by going through life motivated, goal-oriented and with a plan.

Once you move forward, that’s it. The past is dead. You have stored anything relevant with your dominant Introverted Intuition, and you would prefer not to look behind you. 

Reminiscing is not your happy place. It’s uncomfortable, and you may not even know why. 

It’s because of your Si Demon. It’s a strong word, but basically, it is the most hidden cognitive function in your Unconscious mind (and the trigger to your Superego).

Other types may love talking about the past – past events, past people, past ideas – but it’ll make your skin crawl. These people have Si higher in their conscious mind than you and to them, it’s enjoyable or a non-issue. 

If you do allow yourself to think or talk about the past, it is usually only with one or two very trusted and close people, and usually for a reason. Otherwise, you would rather leave the past where it is – behind you.

 

INTJ Female Insight 5: Everything you do must have a purpose – literally everything. 

 

Watching tv = to relax. Reading = to use the information for a project. Eating = because you need to socially or physically. 

Hello Extraverted Thinking!

We can single out our auxiliary Ego function, Extraverted Thinking for this. Unlike Ti, which likes to learn for the sake of accuracy, we tend to approach things with a more rational What can I do with this right now? attitude. 

Even if we do find ourselves picking up random or unplanned books or projects, they either quickly turn into an integration to something we are already doing, or they fizzle out quickly because they had no purpose worthy of pursuing.

The first Insight I shared resonates even stronger now – when we are comfortable enough to simply pause and not judge a moment with our Te or Se functions, INTJ females can have an other-worldly experience, which is good!

 

INTJ Female Insight 6: You are incredibly paranoid and distrustful of other people, and it’s not good for you.

 

intj_female_SEINTJ’s are the most paranoid type alive. Just as our weakest Ego function, Extraverted Sensing, is where our fear lies, the first function in our Unconscious mind is where our worry lies.

What do we worry about?

What could be. What are others’ intentions? How can we trust them? This is because of Extraverted Intuition, Ne. 

Here’s some truth.

This is the MAIN PROBLEM with all INTJ relationships, not just INTJ female ones. It is usually not your social awkwardness but your paranoia that sabotages your relationships. 

As INTJ females, we need to take a breath. Take a step back. If you find yourself distrustful of a friend over one incident, look at their track record of friendship with you. Same with relationships. 

Utilise your Critic Ti (Unconscious Introverted Thinking) to back up the friendship with some logic. Try not to throw the baby out with the bathwater everytime something triggers your function of what could happen. 

Yes, I advocate protecting yourself…. But make sure you are actually protecting yourself and not habitually discarding a good friendship. 

 

INTJ Female Insight 7: People perceive you as an unfeeling and cold woman when you are being matter-of-fact and rational.

 

As an INTJ female, I am sure you have felt this. People think women in general should have a lot of feminine energy. They may presume you exhibit more Extraverted Feeling behaviours than men, and then be unpleasantly surprised when you don’t. 

Often when you want to get a job done, you can come across as rigid, blunt, insensitive or even uncaring. It is because you are looking at the job as a problem to solve and you are not using any Extraverted Feeling to see how it makes people feel. 

Instead you are using your Extraverted Thinking to create the best way it would work, focusing on the problem rather than the people. 

This is very useful for building and creating systems, but can be damaging to work relations and networking. 

It’s not that you don’t care about others feelings, you simply don’t see them as a part of the equation. You find it hard to see how they fit into the picture and how you should use the information.

Working with people who care only about theirs and others feelings at the cost of competency will draw a line in the sand for you. Often, you won’t tolerate it and will strive to find an environment where others value competency and problem-solving over people pleasing. 

However, this is not always healthy. 

As an INTJ female, it’s best to understand how we appear to others and how we can soften our approach without losing our effectiveness. 

It can also be said that we should never pander to others for the sake of pandering. Be civil, polite, and yes, focus on your strengths. 

Unfortunately, no matter how indirect or gentle we think we are being, it sometimes won’t make the cut for others. But let’s do our best to not crush others’ spirits unnecessarily.

INTJ Female Insight 8: The first thing you look for in a partner isn’t what people might think….

 

You meet someone. 

You notice something first.

It’s not looks.

Not their cologne or perfume.

Not their fashion.

Not their open mindedness.

Not their intelligence.

Not their status, or wealth, or family.

It’s this. Often the first thing an INTJ female wants to know is, “Can I respect this person?”

Respect is a vague term that we often can’t define ourselves. And if unchecked, it can feed an unhealthy superiority complex which needs to be addressed.

INTJ females measure worthiness of respect through an interesting filter of what we know will happen (Ni) layered with our deep values (Fi)

You want to make sure a person in your life does not disregard any values you have defined as important. You want to make sure they respect you and make you comfortable. 

INTJ females also respect when other people exhibit strengths in areas they themselves are weak. 

And as most women, we appreciate confidence and self-assurance in our partners. We require it – no ifs or buts. If you don’t have it, we will encourage you to foster it in your life one or another. 

 

The Wrap

Those are 8 insights I have on the INTJ female. Did I miss something? Let me know! 

INTJ women are sometimes an enigma. But most of the time, pulling aside the veil, the INTJ female is a socially-awkward, deeply value -driven creator who struggles with a loud inner critic that makes them come across to others as judgmental or arrogant. 

As an INTJ woman, you love when someone can bring you into the moment, safely. You love exploring your ESFP Subconscious. You love planning and executing with a sense of determination and wholeheartedness. 

My advice? Read more and learn more and be a better INTJ every day! Or, you can just relax for awhile, to recuperate…. 

 

Notes: 

  1. Note: This population frequency study was conducted in the US

 

Resources and references:

 

Disclaimer: I may earn a commission from affiliate links in this article. 

Elsie

Elsie

I’m learning less is more, consistency is the greatest key to success, writing is a stress relief more than anything, and logic is fundamentally misunderstood (even by myself). What more can I say? I say a lot (well, it appears it, but in reality I am the quietest person in the room), and I learn even more. I’m both passionately motivated by and unequivocally skeptic of all things.

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